Sarah Jessica Parker makes me wanna barf, and proves she is INDEED an equine.

You've heard of the cameltoe?

Introducing the Horsey Hoof!

Ewwww.

Normally, I have a pretty strong gag reflex (oh, hush UP, dirty minds. Heh.), but SJP has made me grab the Tupperware bowl to have next to  me just in case. Read on, my friends:

via Digital Spy:

"It has taken me three years to decide on the scent because I really like BO and I think it's sexy. I wanted to figure out a way to make it palatable to everybody. I was like, 'How do you get BO in a bottle and make an atomizer of it?' Then it was all about trying to capture the sense of naughtiness in a bottle that it would be good for a man and a woman."

"BO" is code for another horsey's hind end, FYI. I speak "SJP lingo".

"Horsey Stink" by SJP Stables

available at your local feed store.

I know someone named Holly who's gonna be irritated with this one...which makes it even funnier.

Happy Birthday, Nancy Kerrigan - WHYYYYYY??

Nancy Kerrigan's finest moment: "WHYYYYYY?"

Oh, Nancy Kerrigan. We have such fond memories of you, the 1994 Olympics (where Tonya Harding's thugs smacked your knee up), your snide, bitchy remarks after winning the **COUGHOksanaBaiulCOUGH** silver medal in figure skating...oh, Nancy--there will never be another you. (Yes. there will.)

In honor or Nancy-I broke up my husband's marriage-Kerrigan's 40th birthday today, I thought I'd take us all for a stroll down Memory Lane with a couple of your finest quotes:

"Oh, come on. So she's going to get out here and cry again. What's the difference?" - While waiting for Oksana to step up onto the Gold Medal podium. 

"This is so corny. This is so dumb. I hate it. This is the most corny thing I've ever done."  - At the Disneyland Parade (sitting next to MICKEY!) after her "win" of the Silver medal.

Those are some hilarious quotes, Nancy.

Carrot cake for the stable party?

Happy Birthday! Will you be celebrating with Sarah Jessica Parker, Melissa Rivers and another horsey Olympian Michael Phelps?

 

Oh, Alanis Morrisette. Why?

If that's a toilet, I'm gonna be pissed off.

Wait. I already am.

In my best Nancy Kerrigan whine, WHYYYYYY? Is this what it's come to? Again?

Back in the day, Alanis Morissette never pandered to her audience by dressing like a poptart. But now, all of a sudden, she's hit 35 and feels the need to pull a Madonna on us with the typical hooker boots and open legs photos. Yeah. Awesome. 

I've always just sort of liked Alanis, but I loved Hands Clean, which is another song allegedly about the dude from Full House. They had a relationship while Alanis was 14 and he was 29. They were both living in Canada, where this would be a criii-immme (as she sings in Hands Clean.)

Well, gee. Now I feel guilty for liking this song. It does prove what an asshole Uncle Joey is, just like in You Oughta Know, every chick's favorite "angry song".

Maybe Alanis really does feel like all she's worth is her "outside". Sigh.

Separated at Birth!

 

The Divine Miss M and Secretariat Jessica Parker

I don't know whom I feel sorrier for...Bette or Horsey.

Thanks, Annette! Love it...and YOU! 

Sex and the City 2 filming started in NYC

EEEK! Holy 80's flashback.

Wasn't 90210's AnnaLynne McCord available
as a body/face double?
She can borrow Nicole Kidman's prosthetic nose!

Maybe I'm not as excited as most chicks about the filming of Sex and the City 2, I don't know. But I tell ya what. There is NO effing way I'm gonna believe Secretariat Jessica Parker as an 18-year old ingenue finding her way in The Big Apple. No. Effing. Way.

The good news is Chris Noth ("Big") is back, and there's the possibility that Victoria Beckham may do a cameo.

Seriously, though. Is it just me about SJP not being able to pull off being 25 years younger? I hope there's plenty of vaseline for that lens.

Today's Blind Item - Asshole Brother Edition

"Which brother who has achieved his own measure of success is a creepy egomaniac, according to some who have worked with him and don't really care to again?" via Village Voice/Michael Musto

My favorite line in a Bush song, "should I fly to Los Angeles; find my asshole brother?" This has NOTHING to do with the Blind Item...just a funny aside.

SO. A lot of people are guessing a Baldwin for this, but I'm thinking Chad Lowe, Rob's brother (horseface-Hillary Swank's ex-husband, as well).

Any other guesses?