Stinkfoot Suri is a little hot mess. You KNOW Tom dressed her....

Poor Stinkfoot.

We can all tell by the smug look on Tom Cruise-y's face that he dressed Suri from his goody closet. And Katie's pissed. Stinkfoot Suri even fits into Tommy Girl's shoes now...but he should've consulted with Tim Gunn or Christian Siriano about this get-up. Polka-dotted shoes and Tom's Oscar gown? It's a bit of a hot mess, and over-accessorized. The earrings need to go back in the closet. 

Make your own jokes.

 

Yet another scary picture of Miss Tom Cruise and Stinkfoot

Tom Cruise scares the living daylights out of me.

Here's our favorite Scientolo-nut with his daughter, Suri (I'm assuming she's not wearing tights or socks with her heels, but I don't have photographic proof), having a treat at Modern Pastry in NYC...a-bloody-gain.  I think they feed this child pastries for all three meals.

Does it appear Cruise-y had more plastic surgery, or is it just me?

Hey! Two Angelina Jolie posts in one day! Trailer to "Salt"!

Remember that StupidTomCruise was originally going to play the role of "Salt"? It's my understanding that the producers didn't have to change a single thing in the script once he dropped out, giving the role to Angelina Jolie...including the hair coloring and lingerie scenes! I kid...I kid.

Not really.

Angelina looks tremendous -- but I always say that about her, don't I?

Nicole Kidman actually looks GOOD in this ONE PARTICULAR PHOTO with Sunday Rose. Hurry and LOOK!

Pretty girls in NYC

Quick. Take a good look at Nicole. She really looks pretty here. Gorgeous hair, face in repose. Yeah, she looked scary at the CMAs last week--jumbo lips and implants that looked like grapefruit halves, but I love this picture of her, and as you know, I cannot wait to see her (and all the other divas in NINE).

I just still have a soft spot for Nicole having put up with the freakish, bully midget she was married to for 10 years. God. How did she endure such misery? I blame ScientoloTom for Nicole and her body issues. Just because.

                      S C A R Y

I blame Cruise-y for pretty much anything I can, come to think of it--the rain in Seattle, the fact that my hair takes too long to fully dry, a random headache, my gas tank being on empty...TOM CRUISE'S FAULT. 

Tom and Katie have become a Northwest Lesbian Power Couple! YAY!

"I think R.E.I. is down this way, Babe."

Back before Cruise-y had the 

chub-chub sucked out.

(That sounds nasty...)

Where are Katie Holmes' parents? Are they locked in The (Scientology) Hole? Have their neighbors not noticed they are missing? Tom and "Kate" now look like so many lesbian couples up here in Seattle, shopping for a new kayak. Not that there's anything wrong with that...I'm just sayin'.

Exactly how many years has Katie aged since she sold her soul to Xenu? It's horrifying. Nicole Kidman has never looked worse, either. Maybe it's Tommy Girl's evil plan to turn as many beautiful women into homely, gray, plastic surgery patients who are mere shells of themselves, because dude, it's happening.

Let's look into this.

Hey, y'all. It's a Tom Cruise post--and I'm in "Headquarters" - aka San Francisco!

Awwwwww. What a pretty little thing.

 

 GAAAAH! What a scary little thing!

I have no real purpose behind this post, other than I'm in San Francisco waiting for the connecting flight back to Seattle from Santa Barbara, and I thought of these two hilarious picture of Cruise-y. 

Jaaaayzus. What the goddamnHELL is going on in that top one from days of yore? ("Days of yore"??? Good Lawd.)

Stinkfoot Suri Cruise is getting on my last nerve.

Really? Stinkfoot drinks Pelligrino??

 

Get.That.Germ-ridden.Child.OFF.THE.GD.COUNTER!

Ya know what? There are a MILLION other things I should be writing about at this hour. But, no. I have to get a glimpse of this spoiled rotten child who is seriously setting my hair on fire.

I let it GO this week when I heard Suri Cruise has a wardrobe worth THREE MILLION DOLLARS. Oh, you heard me. If a designer doesn't happen to even have a children's collection, Tom and DeadEye Katie will MAKE them have a children's collection. Oh, yes they will. So this 3-year old brat in the making (oh YOU want to say the SAME THING, don't lie), is wearing Burberry, Prada, Chanel, and tiny Christian Louboutin shoes.

Why do I feel like Tom loves these little dresses every bit as much as Katie loves spending the money for said dresses? We know why.

All I know is, Stinkfoot is now drinking Pellegrino water WHILE STILL BEING EFFING CARRIED BY HER PARENTS. 

Goddamnit. I'm so mad right now, you don't even KNOW. 

 

Breaking News: Stinkfoot Suri walks; Daddy Tom Cruise's pants are too tight!

Stinkfoot clearly borrowed Dad's

Cherry Chapstick 

 

Ummmm...gawd, Tom

What the goddamnhell is Tom Cruise wearing? I'd say a padded bra, first of all. Let's discuss the skinny jeans he clearly bought Forever Hoochie 21 in the Petite's Department.  I didn't know that Nike made old-school hightops with lifts, did you?

And it seems Stinkfoot is now able to walk on her own...and she's running for it. 

RUN SURI, RUN!!