This. Is. Awesome. (For dorks like me.)

If this awesomeness means nothing to you, we're through.

Not really. It just means you're not quite as dorky as I am with regard to the tremendousnous known as American Psycho. You know, the crazy-ass movie with Christian-what-don't-you-f*cking-understand-Bale as Patrick Bateman?? Check out this billboard in New Zealand.

I cannot look at anyone's business card without secretly laughing in my head because of this scene.

 

American Psycho: Business Card Scene - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

Thanks, Stuart!!

Eff. The embed was pulled.

Just so you know how we say "Y'all"...

Oh, Paula Deen. Patrick and I love this fine southern woman. And it's important to me for y'all to know how "y'all" is truly pronounced.

It's almost as if it because it begins with an "N", ny'all.

Nicole Richie announces new TV project!

Consider Nicole is working with the folks who bring us 30 Rock, I'll bet her new TV project will be funny. Also? NICOLE is funny. Love her.

via Twitter (Nicole Richie)

"I am so excited to announce that I am officially working on a television project! I am creating a half hour scripted comedy for ABC in which I will be starring in, as well as producing.

The story revolves around a young, modern and professional woman who must balance her business and family relationships. She must deal with, and navigate the many ideas of what a woman’s role is: modern vs. traditional.

Lately, I have been surrounded by many different women of all ages and walks of life. It amazes me to watch and observe how many different ideas there are about what a woman’s role should be in this era. I’ve taken these fascinating ideas, and compiled them into something that I think will be very special (and funny!). We’re still in the very early stages and I can’t wait to share more with you soon!"

This won't pop up on TV until probably the fall of 2010, but I'm looking forward to see Nicole!

I'm hearing whispers of Anderson Cooper replacing Regis, y'all.

Pssst. It would make DivaJulia's dream come TRUE!!

Who's with me on this? The question should be, who isn't?? OhdearLAWD, I'd be in heaven if the rumor of Andy replacing ancient Regis Philbin and joining Kelly Ripa for their morning show! (I may have started the rumor...)


Listen, CNN ratings are down people. I know Andy likes to pretend he's Mr. Hard News (ahem), but we all know what a snippy gossip he is--the ratings would be off the charts if he would just follow his heart and team up with Kelly. This gig would be much better for little Mr. Delicate, who caught the swine-flu, along with the sexy Dr. Sanjay Gupta the second they arrived in Afghanistan recently.


I want to see a show of hands of those in favor of seeing Anderson Cooper replace Reege!


Now if we can only get Justin Timberlake to join SNL for even just one season! Online petition, anyone?




 

Separated at Birth: David Beckham and H.I. McDunnough

 David? REALLY?

 

"We're gittin' set to pop, here Honey."

FINE! You caught me. This is simply a weak reason to post my darling David Beckham (with a questionable haircut), and the trailer to my favorite movie, Raising Arizona. I actually have a hard time even remembering H.I. was played by Nicolas Cage because he kinda sucks now and looks odd. Oh--and a sidebar here, Johnny Depp is allegedly bailing Nic's ass out of his financial woes as a repayment for helping him start his career back in the day. Whatevs.

Watch the trailer...better yet, watch the movie.

"I'll just be takin' these Huggies--and whatever cash ya got."  I say that line every time I buy Huggies for Felix--because I'm a dork like that.

Hey, y'all. It's a Tom Cruise post--and I'm in "Headquarters" - aka San Francisco!

Awwwwww. What a pretty little thing.

 

 GAAAAH! What a scary little thing!

I have no real purpose behind this post, other than I'm in San Francisco waiting for the connecting flight back to Seattle from Santa Barbara, and I thought of these two hilarious picture of Cruise-y. 

Jaaaayzus. What the goddamnHELL is going on in that top one from days of yore? ("Days of yore"??? Good Lawd.)

My second-favorite Project Runway designer, Chris March reviews last night's show--MEEEOW.

This dress was PERFECTION, remember??

via TVGuide.com
 
I'm afraid Project Runway will never, ever top Season 4 with Christian, Chris, Sweet Pea, et al...it's a simple fact of life.  There will forever be comparisons to that fantastically talented group. (Oh, I heard Christian Siriano, that fierce little winning bitch, will be on Oprah next week! Check your TV listings!) Thank goodness someone picked up Chris March and his hilarious criticisms (and laugh) to review this season's snore/bitchfest.

Chris nails it on everything. Especially regarding what a C U Next Tuesday Irina is. I screeeeeam at the TV when she's on dogging everyone's else's work ethic--even if she's right. Having said that? I'd totally wear her winning design from last night.

HIP OH CRIT. That's me, y'all!!

Anderson Cooper Laughs at Vomiting Balloon Boy - Just One More Reason I LOVE HIM!

Oh, Anderson. I. Love. YOU. 

I felt a tad bit  guilty peeing my pants while laughing hysterically at poor Falcon (aka Balloon Boy for the REST OF HIS LIFE), but since Andy gave his blessing on Puke Laughing, it's all good.

Watch and laugh with us, won't you?

Solange Knowles in Honey Magazine !!

Let's see sister Beyonce in a grocery cart

looking FIERCE--it would never happen.

 

I ADORE this dress.

I watched Oprah the other day with Chris Rock promoting his new documentary, Good Hair.  It was FASCINATING. It focused on women (mainly African American, but white women as well), and the lengths we all go to have pretty hair. There was a woman who flew from Colorado to New York City to get her weave. I was stunned. It was really educational. I had no idea about the weave process, for one thing. It takes HOURS, my friends. And then the relaxing process? Goodness. Even rapper/actor, Ice-T was shown talking about how painful it is to achieve the straight, so-called "good hair". We're talking SCALP BURNING. Holy crap, y'all.

 

Then out came Solange Knowles with her darling pixie-ish haircut. She discussed all the time, money (over $50,000 a year!!) for weaves, wigs, and maintenance for her hair prior to cutting it all off. Honestly? I think she looks absolutely GORGEOUS now. Before, she just sort of blended in with everyone else with their weaves and wigs and hair pieces. Now it's all about HER...and her stunning features. (I saw these photos on http://www.johnnyikon.com/ . He's an amazing blogger friend in London. Thanks, love, for posting these pics from Honey Magazine!)

I look forward to seeing Chris's film. I can tell he made it for his little girls so that they would see the true and natural beauty within themselves. He seems like a very tuned-in and loving dad. 

I admire Chris Rock...and Solange Knowles for their authenticity and talent. This was a great show, Oprah.

Lady Gaga doesn't need Kanye's ego, thank you. Fame Kills Tour apparently DEAD.

 Lady Gaga clearly came to her senses.

 

 StupidKanyeWest.

Believe me. I am by no means a big fan of Lady Gaga, but GOOD FOR HER for pulling out of the Fame Kills Tour which featured both Gaga and that big a-hole Kanye West.

Do you blame her?  I think she can headline a huge tour on her own, and apparently she does, too.

via EW.com

"The whispers have been escalating in the media for several days, and now Live Nation has confirmed to EW that the Gaga/Kanye “Fame Kills” tour is officially off. Mediatakeout claims it’s Gaga who wanted out, not Kanye, even though she was singing his praises as recently as this week in a Las Vegas radio interview."

There are also "whispers" about Kanye needing to go to rehab. Is there such a thing as rehab for egotistical assholes? I'd love it if he took his drunk ass to Casa Palmera (casapalmera.com  y'all). I would love to be in on that shit. Hell, if Kanye had been there when I was for ED, I might've stayed longer. Can you even begin to imagine GROUP THERAPY - With Kanye West headlining from 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. (with a healthy snack break, of course). Ohhh...good times.

Because it's ALL about the funny. 

Raise your hand if you love the F-Bomb on network TV!

Y'all better watch this while you can. I'm positive NBC will yank this video.





HAHAHAHA! There are a LOT of "too bads" (literal and sarcastic) about this craziness.

1.) Too bad this was Jenny Slate's first appearance on SNL...and she drops the F-bomb. Awesome. It was fucking hilarious. Look at her "OOPS!" face.

"Oh, shit."

 2.) Too bad Lorne Michaels probably reamed her a new one after the skit was over. Hey Lorne?? Your sinking ship is getting a lot of much needed press. Shut the EFF up, and leave Jenny alone.


3.) Too bad Kristin Wiig is such a pro that she didn't even flinch. That was awesome. And


4.)  Too bad this makes up for stupid Megan Fox's hosting.

It's called a win/win. 

Today's Guest Review - ABC's "Modern Family"

I LOVE Guest Review day! "The Boys", have given us a review of a new and hilarious show called Modern Family. I caught the repeat of the premiere last night (the show usually airs on Wednesday at 9/8c) and seriously laughed out loud throughout the entire show. I'm known as a "tough room"...so for me to laugh that hard and frequently is rare.  

And now...Today's Guest Review !

Cameron and Lily

"Modern Family"

Premiere episode

ABC 9pm 9/23/09

Ok. So the previews looked funny but I'm always sure the scenes shown are the only funny one from the whole show cut-and-pasted to draw me in... so not true here. I honestly had to look away from the screen three times, not from cringing, but because i was going to wet myself from hysterical laughter. I won't bore you with the set up (I've followed thew review with a sitcom story set-up from a reliable source. I'll just give you the reasons to watch this show so you too can double over cross your legs and squeal (I know... sounds like a normal Friday night at my house too).

The "gay" couple return from Vietnam where they adopted a baby girl. they present her (in true diva fashion) to the family: bro in-law asks what they named her and after being told "Lily" asks "Won't that be hard for her to pronounce"? Grandpa comes around and pipes in "Bring that little potsticker here! She's one of the family now".

Cool dad and mom have a rule about the air-soft gun dad bought the boy... "If he shoots his sister, he gets shot". Of course he shoots his sister. The ensuing argument about the scheduling of dad shooting the kid ends with mom writing on the calendar for 4:15. Kid laments " Daaaad!" Dad responds "Nothing I can do son. It's on the calendar now". Dad proves unable, when confronted with the act of shooting his son with an air-soft gun, to finish the task. While processing the guilt, he is able to accidently shoot his son and the teenage boyfriend visiting his daughter.

Too many more to mention. You should need no other review than: my sister calling me as the show ended and saying "Oh my god! That is so our family". Trust me, that is the highest of praise.

"The premiere introduces viewers to three families. Ty Burrell and Julie Bowen play the traditional mom and dad. Burrell takes the role of TV clueless dad up a notch by deluding himself into thinking he is hip and cool. Bowen portrays the mom as a former wild child who now worries her kids will follow her former rebellious path. Their three kids -- a high school cutie, a precocious daughter and a klutzy son, all familiar TV types -- turn everyday parenting challenges into comedic gold.

The second family, a gay couple played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet, become adoptive parents in the opener. Ferguson's comedy skills were apparent on CBS' "The Class," then obscured in Fox's "Do Not Disturb." Here, and especially opposite Stonestreet, Ferguson realizes his potential.

The third family is a May-December combination played by Ed O'Neill and Sofia Vergara. O'Neill's Al Bundy is one of TV's most unforgettable characters, but this role will let viewers see him in a new light. At the same time, Vergara's character confirms that the former calendar-pinup girl can be a formidable comedy actress, something her previous series suggested but didn't conclusively demonstrate. In this show, she has a stocky young son from a previous marriage."

excerpt from:

hollywoodpost.com

Bravo, Boys...bravo!!

While we're on the subject of the Jolie-Pitt Family...

Zahara and Shiloh go to Toys R Us!!

Shiloh (I mean JOHN from Peter Pan)--and "Z" had a trip to the local Toulon, France Toys R Us with Mummy and Pax yesterday. No, I'm not posting picture of Angie, all dressed in black, because it's all about these two.

Shiloh, Chaz Bono (mean!) John and Zahara are hilarious. Z is living up to her Naomi Campbell comparison  by looking FEEEEEIRCE in that skirt and little top (and crankyface) and her little sister is being the imaginative dork (Z's word, not mine) that she is. She's still pulling the "My name is JOHN!!" silliness that I find adorable. She even has a sword, and it's probably real considering Mummy's fetish for knives.

I think I'd like to spend a day--wait, maybe a couple hours--okay, 30 minutes--in that household just to witness the chaos. 

Dancing With the Stars' Maks and Karina Fighting at Emmy Awards

Karina and Maks performing 

at last night's Emmy Awards

Last night during my live-Tweeting during the Emmy Awards, I tweeted, "AWKWARD!" when I saw Maks and Karina doing a little performance, knowing how they had just called off their engagement. 

Apparently, Maks (who looks like a big jerk to me) was irritated because Karina was "taking too long" getting her hair make-up done. Karina, who seems a bit, um, fiery (which I find endearing), didn't much care for his bitching and they began to argue. Then dance. Then continue arguing right after the performance.

Does anyone else find this hilarious?

OY! Happy Birthday, Liam Gallagher - You Dumbass, You.

Liam Gallagher is 37 today

In my best Marilyn Monroe voice: Happy birthday to yoooou...Happy birthday dear butthole....

Oh Liam. My favorite fighty-dog. I still love Oasis, whether they have broken up or not. Did you actually hear why the Gallagher brothers were fighting this time--which resulted in a "break- up" before a big show in Paris.


via: Post24.com


"We hear a massive fight broke up between brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher after Liam joked that Noel was not the real father of his daughter Anais, after a huge argument between the two, Noel stormed off saying Liam's comment was unforgivable.

The brothers are famous for their heated arguments, but this time it looks like it really has gone too far, as the band held a press conference yesterday before getting into their private jet and apologised to fans who had paid for tickets for their European tour."


Here are a few of my favorite quotes from my favorite a-hole, Liam:


“Everyone knows that if you've got a brother, you're going to fight.”


“Americans want grungy people, stabbing themselves in the head on stage. They get a bright bunch like us, with deodorant on, they don't get it.”


“Discipline? I don't know the meaning of the word.” - Liam Gallagher of Oasis


I swear. These two brats remind me of Alex and Hunter about 10 years ago. Alex would torture a then 9-year old Hunter til he flipped right out. I came home from work at Nordstrom one night to find Alex grinning that "he's smilin' at me MEAN" smile that drove Hunter out of his ever-lovin' mind. 

"Hunter chased me around the house with a knife saying he was gonna 'effing kill' me", was Alex's side of the story.


Like any other good, wholesome mother, I stifled my laughter for about five minutes, then gave Hunter the talk.

"Now, Honey. You shouldn't chase your brother with a knife, mmkay?" (I could hear that "Butthead" laugh of Alex's in the hallway as I chatted with the little brother. HUH HUH  HUH HUH)



I love that story. Isn't it just precious?

Recommended Weekend Movie

"That was....AWESOME!"

Ohman. Who doesn't love Tommy Boy?? It's like warm blanket of funny. Comforting and still laugh out loud goodness.

I have so many favorite scenes and favorite lines:

"Its a clip-on!"..."Are ya SURE?"

"I can actually hear you getting fatter." and of course,

"Fat guy in a little coat...."

What are your favorites??

 

Kate Gosselin is trying to be Princess Diana?

 

  

I have a theory about Kate Gosselin. After she watched Jon talk crap about her on Primetime Live and GMA yesterday, she had to come out looking like, um, well, her version of Princess Diana.

Think back, y'all. Remember when Prince Charles went on the telly to blab about being in an adulterous relationship while married to the beloved Princess of Wales? Then Princess Diana immediately showed up to the Serpentine Gallery in London in what was jokingly called the "F$#k You Dress".

Poor Kate. Does she really think--for one second--that she's in the same category as Princess Diana???

Oh, Kate. Not. Even. CLOSE.

Whitney Houston Screws Up the New Material

Ohdearlord. Whitney. Whit-NEY. Don't blame a little chattin' with Oprah on that thing we used to call a voice. Oh, girl.

Did anyone else feel like they were watching the MADTV skit, Whitney Houston Screws Up the Classics?




"Me and Bobby's baby"--did she REALLY say that?? I can't tell which is Whitney and which is the genius of Debra Wilson.

I realize I'm gonna get verbally bitch-slapped by mah gurrls.

Holy Crap, I found it, ya'll! (I'll take The Rapist for $200)

SNL Celebrity Jeopardy 5-9-98 - watch more funny videos

Via Funnordie.com
First and foremost, I do not own this effing hilarious video. NBC does, like we didn't know that.

Do y'all even KNOW how hard and long ("That's what your mother said, Trebek!") I've looked for my favorite SNL "Celebrity Jeopardy" skit?

Ohhhh. Good times. Could David Duchovny been any funnier? I think not.

Oasis are F&*@ing Babies.

Fighty-Dogs, Liam and Noel Gallagher

These two buttholes make me wanna curse something fierce. Seems the naughty Gallagher brothers of Oasis have called it quits (again?).

via The Times Online (London):

"The Britpop pioneers Oasis have split up after Noel Gallagher, the lead guitarist and songwriter, said last night that he was quitting the group.

He and his brother Liam, the group’s lead singer, have long had a tempestuous relationship in the band, which released their first album 15 years ago and helped to lead the Britpop era in the mid-Nineties. It was this brotherly tension that reportedly led to the parting of ways.

Oasis had been due to perform at the Rock en Seine festival in Paris last night, but the crowd were told by Bloc Party, who were due to perform before Oasis, that the band would not be appearing.

Many of the crowd reportedly thought that the announcement was a joke until a message appeared on the big screens saying that Oasis would not be performing due to an “altercation within the band”.

The Scottish singer Amy Macdonald, who was playing in the festival last night, wrote on her Twitter page shortly after 9pm, “Oasis cancelled again with one minute to stage time! Liam smashed Noel’s guitar, huuuge fight!”

In an official statement on the band’s website, Noel, 42, wrote last night: “It’s with some sadness and great relief to tell you that I quit Oasis tonight. People will write and say what they like, but I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer.

In an interview with NME magazine this month, Liam was asked if he would oppose Noel taking time off from the band to pursue a solo career. He said: “If it makes him happy, yeah, if it makes him happy.

“If it was up to me I’d have six months off and then get straight back in the studio and make records. That’s what I’m in Oasis for. I’m not here to f***ing sit around for five years twiddling my thumbs.”

Liam, 36, had taken to his Twitter page earlier this week to dispel rumours that the band were due to split and to apologise to fans at the V Festival.

As well as paying tribute to the bands who covered Oasis’s slot and apologising for having “given you sh*t” in the past, Liam wrote: “Finally reports in smartarses column about Oasis last British gig ever. The kids talking out his arse, I mean rkids, bware of darkness. LG.”

Liam had revealed earlier this month that he and Noel were no longer on speaking terms and while on tour travelled separately, seeing each other only on stage.

Oasis came to national attention in 1994 with the release of their single Supersonic, which was followed by the album Live Forever, which reached No 1, later that year and (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? in 1995."

I've always referred to these two brats as "fighty-dogs"--you know, when doggies get up on their hind legs and "box" each other, but no one gets hurt? Oh, it sounds ferocious (aahhhhrrr, aahhhhrrr, SNORT!), but it's all in good fun. Having two adult sons of my own, I know how they will fight, then hang out, playing Nintendo like nothing ever happened.

I'm about to cross the pond to have a chat with the Gallagher boys. They both need a good smack on the back of the head, if you ask me.

Get back on the farkin' stage!

Buttholes, I tell ya.