Someone explain to me what the GOTDAMNHELL JLo is wearing!

Jen? You're kidding me, right?

Here's Mrs. Handcuffed Skeletor last night in NYC, performing for God knows WHAT and for WHOM. All I know is, she looks like a loon. A very sparkly, squished, leotarded LOON. 

Hey Marc Anthony and JLo at the Dolphins game--What. The GOTDAMNHELL are you wearing?

 A light blue jumpsuit.

Check out homegirl. Ohhmmm. Oh, gurrrl.

 

LOOK at his necklace. Or is it a neckPIECE?

First of all? These two are guilty as charged for having babies as Media Accessories. I just know Max and Emme are far more attached to their dozens of nannies than they are to these two dorks.

Okay. These outfits. The 70's are not coming back with jumpsuits--and neither are big ol' man necklaces. At. All. I don't care if this misogynistic tiny Puerto Rican a-holo owns a little bit of the lame Miami Dolphins. He looks worse than the woman he has in a deathgrip.

Clearly, I don't care for Marc Anthony. 

Miley Cyrus doesn't stand a chance. Oh, and nice tattoo. **UPDATE**

 Hey, y'all!

 

Just Breathe???

Picture me doing The Disapproving Headshake. (It's patented by my son Alex, so I'll be sued tout suite.)

What. The. EFF? And why are Moneymaker Miley's hillbilly parents not being questioned (at least by Barbara Walters) about her GD behavior?  

I suppose in the grand scheme of things, the fact that Miley tried to get into a club the other night so she could Party in the USA (but was turned away!) and has a tattoo underneath her booby and dancing on a stripper pole isn't such a big deal...but it's just a matter of time before this little chick starts doing the really bad stuff. **COUGHLindsayCOUGH**

Tick tock; tick tock.

UPDATE: Seems Miley's tattoo is a tribute to a friend:

Miley Cyrus gets tattoo in memory of her best friend Vanessa who passed away from Cystic Fibrosis 3 years ago.

The phrase “Just Breathe” is the motto of the Cystic Fibrosis foundation.

Oh. 

 

A Kobe Special? Excuse me, Tiger...WHAT??

"How many carats will

buy your forgiveness?"

I really don't know how much of this is true, but man, does the whole Tiger Cheating/Elin Swinging get messier every hour.

TMZ.com is reporting:

"During the phone conversation on Friday, Tiger told his friend, "I have to run to Zales (ZALES??? You have GOT to be kidding me!!) to get a 'Kobe Special.'" The person on the other end of the phone asked Tiger what a "Kobe Special" was. The reply -- "A house on a finger."

The "house on a finger" - 

Vanessa and Kobe Bryant showing off 

the 8 ct. $4M-I'm-Sorry-for-Cheating-Ring

During the conversation, Tiger said his wife had "gone ghetto" on him. (WHAT????? How 'bout Tiger went WHORING on her?)

As we first reported, Tiger told the friend his wife had scratched his face up during an argument over a report that the golf great had cheated on her. The "other woman" named in the story -- Rachel Uchitel -- calls the report "bulls**t." (Of course she does!!)

So. Will Tiger play on Monday?

"Beyonce is a stupid person." Hey, I'm just tellin' ya what I heard...

Beyonce`: "You expect me to READ that?"

This. Is. HILARIOUS. Check this crap out, y'all. Effing embarrassingly hilarious.

"In a shocking display of poor diplomacy, Egypt’s chief Egyptologist Zahi Hawass allegedly called American pop-star Beyonce a “stupid person” during her brief tour of the Giza pyramids earlier this week. Writing in al-Shorouk newspaper, Summer al-Gamal said that Hawass became fed up with the pop star’s attitude after she did not show the interest Hawass felt was deserved of the pyramids.

According to Gamal, during Hawass’ self-guided tour, he said “I showed her the Sphinx and I gave her a book on King Tutankhamen,” but then his anger and frustration made its way to the forefront.

“Then he stopped being diplomatic and said in anger, ’she’s a stupid person and she doesn’t understand a thing and she doesn’t want to understand’,” wrote Gamal.

Source: ONTD

What was she thinking and more importantly, WHAT the goddamnhell was she wearing?? Oh...HousePyramid of Dereon, of course!

Amy Winehouse is in love with her new boobies and lips -- and drawn on freckles??

Amy! Seriously?

OhforpitySAKE.  New boobs, plumped up lips...fine, I get it. But freckles drawn on with an eyeliner pencil?? Amy Winehouse, what the goddamnhell are you doing? I've had freckles my entire life ("Oh, they'll disappear when you get older!" NO. THEY. DON'T.). 

Should I be flattered that Amy is trying to make freckles all the rage? Because I'm NOT.

(Yes, I am.)

JLo and Skeletor? What the Goddamnhell are you WEARING?

OhdearLord. What??

photo via JUSTJARED.COM

Well, well, well. What do we have here?  

I think you all know I loathe the little rat-faced Skeletor man. Marc Anthony is the short-man's complex personified. I don't think I've ever been privy to one photo where he isn't latched onto that wife of his as if she's being held hostage. Similar to Stockholm Syndrome...Skeletor Syndrome, is when you force your wife to put her bright and shining (hey, I'm being nice!)  career behind her (that's a tough one, heh), quit with the "self-empowering" crap, and publicly kneel down before his boney ass. AND he raids your scarf drawer. Unacceptable.

JENNIFER!! Look at how you're dressed! Diddy never woulda let you outa the mansion looking like one of Jack Skellington's overstuffed minions. Wait.  Skellington. Skeletor. 

Oh, My. God.

Pamela Anderson loves child slaves...oh yeah, and animals, too. Thanks, PETA!

WHAT the goddamnhell is going ON here?

(And I sure hope I don't see what I think I see...)

I didn't used to really get on Pammy's case all that much, but she's been cruisin' for it lately. First with her dumbass "fashion" show in New Zealand last week--'member? She was wearin' a sheet. An effing sheet. Then she dropped it, because NONE of us have seen her rock-hard chest lumps before. Ooooh. Controversial. Pssssh.

Now Ms. Hep-C America decided to treat one of her employees' children as a slave-prop during the Hollywood Style Awards.

via PageSix.com 

"One guest told Page Six, "People were genuinely shocked. She didn't even have her own seat and had to sit at Pamela's feet, where people nearly stepped on her to get to the stage. The girl looked uncomfortable and kept tugging on her dress to get her attention, but Pamela waved her away.

"Pamela was telling people it was her daughter," the attendee said. "And, after she presented David LaChapelle with an award onstage, she shouted 'daughter' in front of the whole auditorium, and slapped her leg like she was calling a puppy. The girl rushed up to grab her train."

Adelaide is the daughter of makeup artist to the stars Sharon Gault, who was believed to be at the event.

A spokesman for the Child Labor Coalition said, "I would want to speak to the child to ask her if it is something she willingly did. Nine is very young, and an awards ceremony is a long time for a child to be out holding a dress."

That nine year old little girl looks sad and humiliated...which I'm sure she was.  You know, if Pammy had been using a little poodle for this shit, the lovely folks at PETA would have flipped right out. But since Crazy-Face Pam is a devout member of PETA, I guess they agree that this was all in good fun.

What the goddamnhell is Courtney Love doing with Hugo Chavez??

"Rrrrrico. Chavez."

What???

This picture makes me sick on so many levels. Courtney crawled out of her coffin to attend crazy-face Oliver Stone's film about Taco Bell, "South of the Border". (That is what it's about, right?) And look who she ended up with--Hugo-Freakin' Chavez, that crazy dictator from Venezuela. I'm surprised the earth didn't implode.

via NY Daily News:

"Courtney Love is still floating on the charm offensive that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez launched at Wednesday's screening of Oliver Stone's new documentary, "South of the Border." The singer, who came dressed to thrill in a short zipper-front skirt, says she noticed the twice-divorced Chavez checking her out during a Q&A afterward.

"It was the third wink that sold me," Mrs. Kurt Cobain told us. "He's a sexy dawg. He invited me to visit his country and I'd like to go. I'll rock Caracas!"  WHATthegoddamnhell????

I'm busy flipping through the Yellow Pages in search of the nearest vomitorium. Repeat after me: Oliver Stone. Courtney Love. Hugo Chavez.

Last one to puke is a rotten egg.

Is it just ME, or have Brad and Angelina let themselves go?

The good ol' days...

Sigh. Seriously. Is it just me or WHAT the goddamnhell has happened to the Golden Couple? Remember the heat between these two? Now it's Mr. and Mrs. Scruff 'n Bones. Not quite as sexy, is it?

Take a look, y'all:

Come on, Crabby Old Dude. What's really in the Sprite can?

Angelina helping the refugees in Kenya.

Yeah. This one writes itself really, doesn't it? Can't you just hear the refugees talkin' smack about Angie? 

"Girl, someone needs to feed her...". 

I'll stop before I get in trouble with the UNICEF folks; you get the idea.

 

Lindsay Lohan's "robbers" have been caught--but more importantly, WHAT the goddamnhell is she wearing?

Thigh highs, a jacket, a jaunty hat

and that stupid finger in her mouth a-bloody-GAIN.

Some little 18-year old a-hole named Nicholas Prugo was arrested today in connection with two robberies; one of the chicks from The Hills (I know which one, I just wanna give that her or that piece of crap show more publicity) and of course, our little girl Lindsay Lohan.

Remember, a few weeks ago, Lindsay arranged to have suffered the fear of having her home broken into and had clothing, jewelry stolen (that she was "borrowing" from a ritzy Beverly Hills jeweler), as well as legal documents and perhaps--fingers crossed--some home movies. 

via TMZ.com

"TMZ has learned the 18-year-old dude arrested for burglarizing Lindsay Lohan's home is no stranger to trouble -- Nicholas Prugo was arrested earlier this year on a cocaine charge.

Prugo was busted near L.A. back in February for possession of coke. This is his mug shot from that arrest. Prugo plead guilty and entered an 18-month drug diversion program.

Law enforcement sources tell us Prugo may have violated the terms of his diversion program for something unrelated to the burglary -- he's due back in court to deal with that in November.

Prugo was also arrested last month in Beverly Hills .. we're told it was for DUI."

Dumbshit.

 

But seriously, you guys. What is UP with Lindsay constantly having that stupid finger in her mouth?? I've posted like, 300 other shots like this. If she's trying to be all coy and Freudian, it's not working. She's just creeping me out.