Showing posts with label Divas and A-Holes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Divas and A-Holes. Show all posts

Monday, 28 December 2009

Hey Marc Anthony and JLo at the Dolphins game--What. The GOTDAMNHELL are you wearing?


 A light blue jumpsuit.
Check out homegirl. Ohhmmm. Oh, gurrrl.

 
LOOK at his necklace. Or is it a neckPIECE?

First of all? These two are guilty as charged for having babies as Media Accessories. I just know Max and Emme are far more attached to their dozens of nannies than they are to these two dorks.


Okay. These outfits. The 70's are not coming back with jumpsuits--and neither are big ol' man necklaces. At. All. I don't care if this misogynistic tiny Puerto Rican a-holo owns a little bit of the lame Miami Dolphins. He looks worse than the woman he has in a deathgrip.

Clearly, I don't care for Marc Anthony. 

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Jennifer Lopez falls on her fat butt during the AMAs...and I LOVE it.



Does it get any better than that? A song called Louboutins and she totally eats it? (It's at the 2:40 mark.) And don't get me started on that ghetto entrance of hers. Just DON'T.


I like to think of JLo's ass-fall as a metaphor for what she considers her "career". 

Harsh.

Friday, 20 November 2009

Jennifer Lopez? WHAT the goddamnhell are you wearing?


JLo!! What the goddamnhell are you wearing here?
Check out girlfriend's rehearsal-wear for the AMAs on Sunday.
BLEH.






And, what is THIS crap? Oh, that's right. It's JENNIFER EFF-ING LOPEZ-crap. I remember when I sorta liked Jennifer Lopez, but that was circa 1999. If You Had My Love? Awesome. Waiting For Tonight? Great song for a Millenium party. See how old I am today, yet again??

Really, though? Am I the only one out here who thinks this song, Louboutins, is utter garbage? I just cannot believe how ghastly this song is...and the title is embarrassing and ghetto. "Jenny from the Goddamn Block", my big, fat Puerto Rican ass. (Okay, my big, fat Irish-French ass, whatEVER.) She's rubbing our noses in her shoe closet (peeee yooooo) AND tryna get free shoes while she's at it. Pssssh.


Jaaayzus, I'm cranky today.  

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Rihanna's "Rated R" cd Cover


Rihanna's new cd, "Rated R" cover shot

Apparently this is the cover shot of RiRi's new cd...and not the rubber barbed wire around her boobies shot. Meh.

via MTV.com:


"...the grainy black-and-white cover shot that leaked Tuesday (October 27) finds the singer in a moody, contemplative pose reminiscent of outrageous 1980s avant-garde singer Grace Jones.

Wearing what looks like a leather top, Rihanna is depicted with her hand covering her right eye, with each finger wrapped in an intricate set of rings that hug two knuckles.

The image for the album, due November 23, was shot by fashion photographer Ellen von Unwerth, who said Rihanna is "so beautiful, sweet and tough at the same time — and a pleasure to shoot,"   

I think Rihanna should have called the cd "OW, Chris! My EYE!" and be done with it.

Monday, 26 October 2009

OhdearLord...Not Safe for Your STOMACH...JLo and SkeleSWEAT


HUHHHHLLLLLLLLLL (dry-heave)

Listen here. If I have to look at this crap, SO. DO. YOU

Here are JLo and her skanky little husband, Marc (Skeletor) Anthony in Miami yesterday. N A S T.


Jaaayzus. I just lost my appetite. (I do covet Jen's shoes, though.) 



Monday, 12 October 2009

Karl Lagerfeld can kiss my (curvy?) ass.


Fat, fat the Chanel water rat.

Just one more reason why I prefer Christian Dior over Chanel. (I act like I can afford either one, but whatever, okay??)

The former--and future--fatty, Karl Lagerfeld has made the following statement in response to magazines who do not wish to see size zero vomit-sticks models anymore:

"No one wants to see curvy women. You've got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying thin models are ugly. Fashion is about dreams and illusions."

Wow. Could he be more of an asshole? Yeah. I know. He could and he will.


Viva Dior!!!


 


 

Saturday, 3 October 2009

Kelly Clarkson really has The Voice...


Sing it, Gurrrl!


I tell ya what. I'd rather listen and see Kelly Clarkson and that powerful voice of hers any day over Mimoo Carey and all of her lame butterfly crap. 

Oh my God, you guys. Did you see Mariah (and her little dog, too) on The View yesterday? She was promoting the following:

1.) The new movie Precious, where she plays a government case worker. She wore no make-up (or "they gave me under-eye circles and a slight mustache" -- uh huh. Suuuure they had to "give" 'em to you, Mimoo). She said she had to "come to terms with how she looked on film". (Side eye. Would Meryl say that?)

2.) Her new (yawwwnnn) cd.

3.)  Her new fragrance--which Joy Behar shrieked, "DON'T SPRAY IT, MARIAH!" when Mimoo was showing the dirty masses (the viewers) how to use a bottle of cologne. I howled. Wow, is it that stinky?


It was a CRINGE-FEST on The View, y'all.


Oh, and Barbara Walters also got in a snide remark about her dog named ChaCha (the same name of Mariah's pup) NEVER peed on the dressing room carpet...like this dog did. I loved every bitchy moment of this segment.

And that Sherri Shephard gets on my last nerve. Never liked her, never will.

Hmmph.

So. The moral of the story is: Kelly Clarkson can SING, y'all. Listen to her cover Alanis and Kings of Leon. Tremendous!   

Thursday, 1 October 2009

Lady Gaga doesn't need Kanye's ego, thank you. Fame Kills Tour apparently DEAD.


 Lady Gaga clearly came to her senses.

 
 StupidKanyeWest.

Believe me. I am by no means a big fan of Lady Gaga, but GOOD FOR HER for pulling out of the Fame Kills Tour which featured both Gaga and that big a-hole Kanye West.

Do you blame her?  I think she can headline a huge tour on her own, and apparently she does, too.

via EW.com

"The whispers have been escalating in the media for several days, and now Live Nation has confirmed to EW that the Gaga/Kanye “Fame Kills” tour is officially off. Mediatakeout claims it’s Gaga who wanted out, not Kanye, even though she was singing his praises as recently as this week in a Las Vegas radio interview."

There are also "whispers" about Kanye needing to go to rehab. Is there such a thing as rehab for egotistical assholes? I'd love it if he took his drunk ass to Casa Palmera (casapalmera.com  y'all). I would love to be in on that shit. Hell, if Kanye had been there when I was for ED, I might've stayed longer. Can you even begin to imagine GROUP THERAPY - With Kanye West headlining from 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. (with a healthy snack break, of course). Ohhh...good times.


Because it's ALL about the funny. 

Monday, 28 September 2009

Khloe Kardashian's Wedding Dress and Other Crap


Vera Wang's Big "n Tall Collection

"Baby, could you gimme a tranny-back ride?
I'm too f^&king drunk!"
Photos via TMZ.com

Here's what y'all have been lookin' for...The Dress. Khloe's big, giant Vera Wang wedding dress.

For the life of me, I cannot understand  the crazy interest in this chick's wedding. Her claim to fame (i.e. resume) is that her dad was a very accomplished attorney in L.A. (he was part of the OJ Defense Team back when he was on trail for damn-near decapitating his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ron Goldman); Khloe's step-dad is plastic surgery enthusiast and oh yeah, Olympic Gold Medalist, Bruce Jenner; sister Kim is really the reason this family are pseudo-celebrities due to her sex-tape with an D-list rapper, Ray J. (Are you taking notes??) Naturally, E! gave them their own reality show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, produced by none other than Ryan Gaycrest Seacrest.

I found this little piece on Khloe at AskMen.com:


"Khloe Kardashian, aka Baby K, is the youngest and most statuesque of the Kardashian sisters. Familiar to the fanatic faithful who watch her regularly on Keeping Up with  the Kardashians, she's now a headliner on the new spin-off series Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. When she's not living the celebrity life for the viewing masses, she's working on the radio, selling fashion items through her store chain and taking her clothes off in the name of stopping animal cruelty. There's also the small matter of a quickie marriage to Lamar Odom that has gotten her a mountain of attention. " 

Let's not forget Khloe's DUI a couple of years ago. She checked that item off of the How to be a Dumbass Celeb and Get Your Name in the Tabloids list. Nicely done.


Khloe and Kim's sister, Kourtney is pregnant and all over the tabloids...for no. Good. Reason...other than the idiotic celebrity qualifications I've so beautifully outlined.

Ugh. Nice way to start a Monday morning. My head hurts already.

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Chris Brown is pulling "weeds"...

 
Dumbshit, Chris Brown
I swear. I looked at this picture of Chris Brown finally getting his ass busy performing his court-ordered community service and thought he was in Arcata, California (where they grow the good stuff), helping out the local growers.


Supposedly, he's in Richmond, Virginia "pulling weeds and picking up trash" (**COUGHgroupiesCOUGH**).  I don't believe a word of it.

Saturday, 12 September 2009

Hold on to your effing hat--the Olsen Twins are SMILING.

 
Oh happy day!!
[photo by Patrick McMullan]
I haven't seen smiles THIS BIG on Trollsen Twins since their Full House days. I know, "how roooood". 
Check these two out at Bergdorf Goodman for Fashion’s Night Out on Thursday night. I wonder if there were little clear packets and prescription meds being passed around, too? 

Okay. That was just plain mean.

But seriously. Were they passing out party favors?

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Dancing With the Stars Bummer - Maksim and Karina Split!

Uh oh. It's off, y'all.

Maksim and Karina, the physically gifted couple from "Dancing with the WHO'S THAT, Again?" have split up. Supposedly, the couple was to marry prior to the finale of the upcoming season. 

Way to eff up the ratings, guys.

I get the impression that Maksim is a jerk. He's the a-hole who called two of the female regulars "fat" last season. Maksim also referred to Karina as a "crazy bi*ch". Lovely.

Karina seems like a firey, temperamental artiste. Just how we like 'em. She can do better.

Friday, 4 September 2009

Demi Moore gives the Pink Pig a verbal ass-kicking...GOOD for her!

Mama and Baby Bear
Demi and Tallulah

The Pink Pig (you have to know who I'm talking about--initials P oink H) had the gall to scrawl his usual nastiness all over a picture of 15-year old Talullah Belle Willis.

"...he wrote "slut" and "ass" on because her breast and butt were accidentally exposed."  Gross.


I was actually on Twitter at the time Demi and that blogger were having it out. (By the way, I have BLOCKED the Pink Pig on Twitter bacause I loathe him, so I was only privy to Demi's side of the "conversation", but believe me, there were NOT two sides to this story.) He can scream "First Amendment" all he wants. It. Does. Not. Apply.

Demi said he isn't "taking violating child pornography laws very seriously..."
  • Demi Tweeted: "Let me ask all of you, what is it called when someone is telling people to look and focus on a child's 'boobs & ass' while providing photos?... This is not a game . Children should not be exploited. They must be protected." 

Good for Demi...if I were her, Lord knows I'd be alllll up in that pig's snout, attorney in tow.
 

Mama Bears U N I T E, y'all!
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Tuesday, 1 September 2009

"Oh, that PARTICULAR beating...NOW, I remember." -- Chris Brown

I would love to know what's so GD funny.


So Chris Brown does remember something. Like, wow. Don't you love how he keeps saying "what happened" as opposed to "what I did"? Yeah. Like, wow.

Here's Chris's lame-ass "explanation" of his statements made on Larry King Live.

LOS ANGELES — Chris Brown says he remembers beating Rihanna and that a brief interview clip making the rounds online Monday in which he said he didn't recall the incident "is not representative of what I said."

The R&B singer tells People magazine in a lengthy statement that he "misspoke" during the 30-second clip and that he was asked "something like 4 or 5 times" about the altercation with Rihanna during an hourlong interview.

"Of course I remember what happened," Brown said in a statement late Monday. "Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur.

"When I look at it now, it's just like, wow, like, I can't believe that that actually happened," Brown told King."

Sigh. Just shut up already.

THANKS, Christine!


Monday, 31 August 2009

Chris Brown? SHUT the eff UP.


Goddamnit. Guess what, y'all? Chris Brown doesn't remember a THING about beating Rihanna to a bloody pulp. What??

Does this a-hole really think wearing a baby blue sweater and a dorky bow-tie will make us think he's just a misunderstood young man? ("Like, wow.")

We will have a hair-lighting ceremony tonight during Larry King. God knows, my hair will be on fire.

Thursday, 27 August 2009

Gwen Stefani takes kids to see dad, Gavin perform at The Grove - Kingston ain't havin' it.

Kingston's crying again.
Gavin's playing malls now?
Oh, yeah. A benefit show.

Kingston's a crybaby! Kingston's a crybaby!

Gwen Stefani brought her boys Kingston and Zuma to see their dad Gavin Rossdale perform as part of the Donate Life Summer Concert Series at The Grove in L.A. on Wednesday night, but someone was being a cranky-doodle about it.

Hey, this isn't the first time I've seen Kingston Rossdale bawling his head off. The last crying scene was when the Rossdales took the special ones to an L.A. park and some kid (I'm picturing Cartman from "South Park") smacked Kingston and made him cry like the baby he is. Nanny stepped right in to coddle.


So. Here we have Kingston. Crying a-bloody-gain. I love how Gwen is making the "awwww, it's okay"-face, but not holding him. Gawd. That might involve messing up that hairdo.

Hey, GWEN? How 'bout you step in and comfort him your damn self?


Goddamnit, Chris Brown. *Update on A-Hole Behavior*

"Raise yer hand if ya beat yer woman!"

You know, I always say, after being sentenced for beating your girlfriend bloody, the best thing to do is hit the hottest club in L.A.--Guys and Dolls.
I just feel that laying low, being introspective and even humble is a mistake. Don't you?

Oh. I guess it's just me and that a-hole Chris Brown.

What a GD dumbass.

**UPDATE**

It seems the dumbass, Chris Brown could very well be in violation of his GD probation by even setting foot in the club, Guys and Dolls last night. He may get off on a technicality (read: Because he's an effing CELEBRITY) due to this wording in the court documents:

"The probation report states that Brown must "abstain from the use of all alcoholic beverages and stay out of places where they are the chief item of sale."


Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Chris Brown Received His Wrist-Slap Today.

Brown got probation and community service
for doing this.
I don't like the look on his face.

TMZ has done a cracker jack job (seriously) with their reporting of the whole Chris Brown circus in downtown L.A. today. I would just like to say that this is Celebrity Justice once again. May I just say that I know someone who was charged with a "minor in possession" (for an UNOPENED can of beer!) and received a very similar sentence. In fact, this person was facing some jail time. I call complete and utter bullshit on the special treatment Brown received for the brutal beating he gave Rihanna.

I'm not saying anything new, or anything I haven't said before. Here is the TMZ.com rundown of today's sentencing:

He must complete a 52 week domestic violence program sponsored by the Commonwealth Catholic Charities.

Brown must personally come to court every 3 months during his probation. The first appearance will be November 19.

Brown must perform 180 days of community labor. He must also pay $2,500 in restitution. He'll have to pay another $2,500 in probation expenses. He must also pay a $30 criminal conviction fee --BARGAIN! He must also pay $400 that goes into a domestic violence fund.

The judge issued a protective order. Brown is ordered not to harass, assault, threaten, molest, threaten, etc. Rihanna. He must surrender all firearms within 24 hours. He can't have any contact with Rihanna, even on the phone or through a 3rd person. He must stay 100 yards away from her, unless there's an entertainment-related event, in which he must stay 10 yards away. The protective order lasts 5 years.

Brown must get prior approval before leaving the country.

Brown jumped the gun and said he accepted the terms of probation, even before the judge finished her sentence

UPDATE:
The judge just said she wanted to reiterate that she wanted him to do hard time ... like washing cars, grafitti removal, etc."
******
"The court has released the officer's report from the night Chris Brown beat up Rihanna -- describing the entire incident in graphic detail.

According to the report, cops responded to a "screaming woman" -- and when they arrived, they noticed a "very upset and crying" Rihanna seated in the driver's seat of a parked vehicle.

Rihanna told the officer she got into an argument with Chris Brown over something that had occurred at an event they were at earlier in the evening.

"The victim said she became enraged and slammed both of her fists against the dashboard on the passenger side of the car they were in. She reported that the defendant then pulled the vehicle over and reached over her with his right hand. He opened the car door and tried to force the victim out."

According to the report, Brown was unable to shove Rihanna out of the car because she was wearing a seatbelt.

The report continues, "When he could not force her to exit, he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the car. "

"The victim then faced the defendant and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then continued driving."

"As he drove, he continued to punch the victim in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand."

Rihanna told cops the "assault caused her mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter over her clothing and the inside of the car."

Rihanna told cops after Brown "stopped his first assault .. she looked in the mirror and saw her eye beginning to swell.

[Brown] looked at [Rihanna] and said 'I'm going to beat the shit out of you when we get home! You wait and see!'"

Rihanna told police she tried to call her personal assistant, but she didn't pick up -- but Rihanna says she "pretended to talk, saying, 'I'm on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there.'"

Rihanna says she pulled the act "because she did not want to get beat anymore."

But after Rihanna's fake phone conversation, she claims Brown "looked at [Rihanna] and said, "You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I'm really going to kill you!"

Rihanna told cops that Brown unleashed a second wave of punches, "during which time [Rihanna] interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face." He continued to punch her on her left arm, which caused a contusion on her left tricep.

At that point Rihanna tried texting her assistant. Brown threw the phone out of the car, stopped the vehicle and Rihanna then tried opening her door to get out, but Brown sped off and the door shut with Rihanna inside.

Brown placed Rihanna in a headlock while he drove, then bit her on her left ear. The car eventually stopped and Rihanna took the keys out of the ignition, and Brown began to punch her again in the face and arms. He placed her in a headlock and started applying pressure to her carotid artery. She couldn't breathe and began to lose consciousness. She tried freeing herself, and Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and then released her.

Rihanna took off her shoe and tried breaking the passenger window, and he continued to punch her.

Eventually, Brown got out of the car. Rihanna opened the door and continued screaming. Brown began punching her again. He got back in the car and screamed "Where are my f***ing keys?" He got out, looked for the keys in vain, and when he could not find them removed several CDs and walked away.

Officers were called and observed numerous contusions and abrasions to Rihanna's face and forehead, as well as bruising on her left arm. There were other injuries as well.

Investigators determined Brown was wearing a large ring on his right hand which caused several of Rihanna's injuries."

Paula Abdul is set to host VH1 Divas Live!

"I'm hoshting the Divash, Bitchesh!"

First things first. The line-up for the 2009 VH1's Divas Live is well, questionable at best. The latest edition of the franchise will include performances by Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Miley Cyrus, Leona Lewis, and Jordin Sparks, and VH1 says additional performers and presenters will be added in coming weeks.

Children, back in my day, the VH1 Divas Live was something special. We were given Cher, Mariah, Celine and Aretha. WORK IT, DIVAS! Nothing against Jordin Sparks, but a diva she is not. These young women have not come close to what it takes to be called a Diva.

If Whitney wants a real comeback, why doesn't she get her clavicle and wig up on that Diva stage where we want her??

WE WANT WHITNEY!

Oh, this was supposed to be about Paula Lushdrool hosting the Divas. Does this mean she thinks she's one, too? I actually think she might be a Diva. All she's missing is some talent.