Elin Woods jerked a knot in Tiger's tail.

The "perfect" couple.

Well, well, well. It was obvious to me that something stunk to high heavens about this whole Tiger Woods mess today. The main sticking point was the time it all transpired--2:20 a.m. Ain't nobody up to anything good at that hour when a woman is wielding a golf club while the Mister is tryna take off in his Escalade after (ALLEGEDLY) fighting about his (ALLEGED) cheating. Yikes.

Elin might look like a tiny little Swedish swimsuit model, but it sounds like she can smack a Tiger UP when confronted with evidence of cheatin'. Tiger was found on the ground after the accident with Elin "hovering over him". Apparently, he had scratches, lacerations and blood in his mouth.

via TMZ.com

"Tiger has yet to be formally interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol -- that should happen this afternoon. But we're told Tiger had a conversation Friday -- with a non-law enforcement type -- detailing what went down before his Escalade hit a fire hydrant.

We're told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We're told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV -- but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.


We're told Woods became "distracted," thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree.

We're also told Woods had said during the conversation Friday he had been taking prescription pain medication for an injury, which could explain why he seemed somewhat out of it at the scene."

I'm very disappointed in Tiger. (And trying not to smirk about the irony of being chased by his wife with a golf club.)

"Douche, Where's Your Career?" - January Jones blabs about bad ex-boyfriend Kutcher in GQ

 Ashton Kutcher and January Jones,

back in the pre-Mad Men days.

 

Ashton? How ya like her NOW??

If this quote from Mad Men star January Jones, doesn't convince you that Ashton Kutcher is a total douche, I don't know what it will take. Seriously.

via People.com

"[He] was not supportive of my acting," Jones, 31, says in the new issue of GQ. "He was like, I don't think you're going to be good at this. So – f--- you! He only has nice things to say now – if anything, I should thank him. Because the minute you tell me I can't do something, that's when I'm most motivated."

 

Yes. Let's not forget what a respected thespian Mr. Demi Moore is, people. Come ON.  The Butterfly Effect; Guess Who; Just Married; What Happens in Vegas...oh, the list of klassic Kutcher cinema goes on and on...

You deserve this public slap in the face, Ashton.

Dancing With the Stars' Maks and Karina Fighting at Emmy Awards

Karina and Maks performing 

at last night's Emmy Awards

Last night during my live-Tweeting during the Emmy Awards, I tweeted, "AWKWARD!" when I saw Maks and Karina doing a little performance, knowing how they had just called off their engagement. 

Apparently, Maks (who looks like a big jerk to me) was irritated because Karina was "taking too long" getting her hair make-up done. Karina, who seems a bit, um, fiery (which I find endearing), didn't much care for his bitching and they began to argue. Then dance. Then continue arguing right after the performance.

Does anyone else find this hilarious?

Asshole Kanye turns into a whiney crybaby on Leno

Shut up, you big pussy.

Why didn't Leno have Taylor Swift on tonight instead? (I know, she'll be in New York instead for The View tomorrow. I'm sure Whoopi will be gracious and sympathetic toward her, but I am not sure about Sherri Shephard. She didn't have one negative word to say about Kanye's behavior, but she sure did about Joe Wilson's outburst last week during the President's speech to Congress. I'm just sayin'.)

ANYbitch. In typical man-bitch style, Kanye goes from bully to pussy in just a matter of hours. Effing crybaby.

Oh, and President Obama called Kanye a "jackass". I love it.

Demi Moore gives the Pink Pig a verbal ass-kicking...GOOD for her!

Mama and Baby Bear

Demi and Tallulah

The Pink Pig (you have to know who I'm talking about--initials P oink H) had the gall to scrawl his usual nastiness all over a picture of 15-year old Talullah Belle Willis.

"...he wrote "slut" and "ass" on because her breast and butt were accidentally exposed."  Gross.

I was actually on Twitter at the time Demi and that blogger were having it out. (By the way, I have BLOCKED the Pink Pig on Twitter bacause I loathe him, so I was only privy to Demi's side of the "conversation", but believe me, there were NOT two sides to this story.) He can scream "First Amendment" all he wants. It. Does. Not. Apply.

Demi said he isn't "taking violating child pornography laws very seriously..."

• Demi Tweeted: "Let me ask all of you, what is it called when someone is telling people to look and focus on a child's 'boobs & ass' while providing photos?... This is not a game . Children should not be exploited. They must be protected." 

Good for Demi...if I were her, Lord knows I'd be alllll up in that pig's snout, attorney in tow.
 

Mama Bears U N I T E, y'all!

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FEED ME! (Read: Don't you know who I AM?)

"Tengo hambre!!"

What? Two Salma Hayek posts in as many days? Well...hold onto your, um..yeah.

Seems Mami Hayek was at the Chateau Marmont Hotel this week and was honnngray. She showed up without reservations to the snooty restuarant (the one where Rachel Zoe goes to not eat, and Jennifer Aniston goes to smoke), and expected to be seated and fed immediately.

Life doesn't always work out the way we yell at it in Spanish to be. Boobi Tittez freaked out, screamed in her native language at anyone who couldn't plug their ears until she was given a table once some poor, bitchslapped diners had finished their meal (read: pulled the stiletto out of the back of their head).

I'm gonna try that the next time I go to The Golden Corral. I can't wait. Who's in?

Whitney Houston Screws Up the New Material

Ohdearlord. Whitney. Whit-NEY. Don't blame a little chattin' with Oprah on that thing we used to call a voice. Oh, girl.

Did anyone else feel like they were watching the MADTV skit, Whitney Houston Screws Up the Classics?




"Me and Bobby's baby"--did she REALLY say that?? I can't tell which is Whitney and which is the genius of Debra Wilson.

I realize I'm gonna get verbally bitch-slapped by mah gurrls.

This douche is NOT what I want to see first thing Sunday morning.

Ick. Nast.

Goddamnit, Gosselin. Thanks for making me swear on Sunday morning. But I never, ever thought I 'd have to see your flip-flopped ass "hosting" a Vegas pool party. They seem to just dole this gatherings to just any a-hole, don't they?

Just look at this douche (read: PAID, father of 8), trying his best "sexy-face" at Wet Republic at the MG-EFFING-Grand. I don't know if I'll be able to finish licking my plate of Eggs Florentine (wiping hollandaise from my chin).

Okay. Nothing keeps me from licking hollandaise. Hush up.