Showing posts with label Dumbass. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dumbass. Show all posts

Friday, 25 December 2009

Gotdammit, Charlie Sheen! Quit beatin' up your wife and goin' to jail!


Nice Christmas Mugshot


Oh, I know it's Christmas, y'all, but obviously the a-hole named Charlie Sheen doesn't know, so Imma cuss in this post, mmkay?

What a dumbfuck. What a lovely Christmas in Aspen. A dream holiday, if you will. A lovely dream made in hell. Guess which bitch is in jail again. y'all.

via TMZ:


"Charlie Sheen was arrested today in Aspen, Colorado and is being held in jail without bond.

Police responded after a 911 call was made at 8:34 AM. When cops arrived, they arrested Sheen for felony second degree assault, felony manacing and criminal mischief, a misdemeanor.

The name of the victim was not disclosed."

An ambulance arrived on scene, but the alleged victim was not transported.

Sheen will stay in jail until he appears before a judge.
 

UPDATE: Sources tell TMZ the alleged victim is Sheen's wife, Brooke Mueller. Sheen's publicist, Stan Rosenfield, "Do not be mislead by appearance. Appearance and reality can be as different as night and day. It would benefit everyone not to jump to any conclusion."

Asshole. Ummm...the appearance of Charlie's MUGSHOT is misleading? Oh. Okaaay.

Sunday, 13 December 2009

Chris Brown is still being a stupid douche; this time on Twitter



Dumbass Chris Brown is finding out that certain behavior might actually cost him. Here are a couple of rants from Brown's Twitter this afternoon.

via Twitter:
 
- im tired of this shit. major stores r blackballing my cd. not stockin the shelves and lying to costumers. what the fuck do i gotta do...

- WTF... yeah i said it and i aint retracting shit

- im not biting my tongue about shit else... the industry can kiss my ass

Isn't Chris Brown just awesome, you guys? (I know you can smell the sarcasm...)

Friday, 20 November 2009

Today's Blind Item - Dorky Divorce Edition




"This married/aging actress has put up with a lot throughout her celebrity marriage. She's practically raised the kids on her own, dealt with scandals and cheating and still managed to put on a happy face on the red carpet. Within this next year, she plans to finally leave her husband and make the divorce public. The current final straw? Not other women or drugs, but an addiction to World of Warcraft. We kid you not. Not Catherine Zeta Jones"

[BuzzFoto]

I have no idea who this is, but I TOTALLY understand why this would be her "last straw" moment. Jaaayzus. My first husband pulled crap like this. Any extra money we had went toward video games (and even if we DIDN'T have extra money--I mean what IS extra money?). MY last straw, after raising the kids alone, being called fat and other crap, was his "affair" with Xena. Warrior Princess.

Dumbass.

 

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Taylor Swift and Kanye West Reuniting on SNL?


Dumbass Kanye and Taylor Swift last month
on the VMAs

I really hope the rumors of Kanye West crashing Taylor Swift's hosting and performing appearance on SNL are false. I'm sure all the SNL writers think this would be super-funny, but ya know what? It's like rewarding a toddler with a cookie for setting his kitten on fire.

Kanye West will be the only winner in this situation--everyone will laugh a little and say, "Oh, Kanye!". I hope the mostly-male writers at SNL aren't bullying Taylor just for ratings.

Taylor--and her young female fans--derserve more than being reduced to a quick joke.

Friday, 16 October 2009

Happy Birthday, John Mayer...Oh, brother.


 This picture is for you, Jen.


John Mayer turns a whopping 32 years old today. That's not the big news, though. Rumor has it that John and Jen Desper-Aniston are possibly back ON. OhgoodLord. WHEN will that woman learn?

via People.com:


It's not the first time Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have reunited after a split, but the couple are simply "enjoying their friendship," says a source close to the singer. "They've been talking for a while – they're very friendly."

Adds another source, "They've remained close."

The duo recently spent a night together late last month at New York City's Bowery Hotel. "Jen was there on the arm of John and they were all very lovey," says an onlooker. "She was in casual clothing as was he, and she seemed very comfortable around his crowd of friends."

Are you making the same face I am? You know, one that looks like you've just taken a big whiff of feta cheese mixed with skunky weed? Yeah. That's what John and Jen smell like.

EEEWWWWAH.

Oh. Happy Birthday, John. Be sure to break Jen's heart again.

Monday, 28 September 2009

Crabby Appleton, Jessica Alba Goes Red and Gets Her Nails Did


Wow. This is juicy.

Ashlee Simpson.
I swore I'd never talk about her.


Yaawwwwn. You guys still awake? Because I'm not. Good LAWD, there's no news out there today. Seriously? I'm writing about Bitchface Jessica Alba looking like Dumbass Ashlee Simpson? You have got to be kidding me.

You know what this all means? It means the lovely Farrah Fawcett had to pass away the same day MICHAEL-BLOODY-JACKSON did, so she didn't get her "moment". It also means Khloe Kardashian won the GD lottery in terms of media coverage. It will NEVER end.



It's not fair, I tell ya. It's just not fair.



Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Remember the Blind Item that was SUPER-OBVIOUS?


 OhforpitySAKE, Lindsay.


Yeah. THIS one, which is from CDaN:

"This blind item is going to be phrased as a piece of advice. If you pay your drug dealer on time he won't break into your house and take your things. Just saying."

Could this be a big, fat REVEAL?? It seems several people who worked with Lindsay Lohan on Labor Pains, filmed last year, say they actually saw Nicholas Prugo hanging out on the set with her. Whaaaa?

"One person estimates she saw them together "at least 10 times."
Nicholas Prugo, 18, was arrested for cocaine possession in February. He was placed in a drug rehab program. He was also arrested last month for DUI. "


I still think that chick in the hoodie on the video of 
the um, "robbery", is Linds.


God, she's stupid.

Monday, 21 September 2009

OY! Happy Birthday, Liam Gallagher - You Dumbass, You.


Liam Gallagher is 37 today


In my best Marilyn Monroe voice: Happy birthday to yoooou...Happy birthday dear butthole....

Oh Liam. My favorite fighty-dog. I still love Oasis, whether they have broken up or not. Did you actually hear why the Gallagher brothers were fighting this time--which resulted in a "break- up" before a big show in Paris.


via: Post24.com


"We hear a massive fight broke up between brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher after Liam joked that Noel was not the real father of his daughter Anais, after a huge argument between the two, Noel stormed off saying Liam's comment was unforgivable.

The brothers are famous for their heated arguments, but this time it looks like it really has gone too far, as the band held a press conference yesterday before getting into their private jet and apologised to fans who had paid for tickets for their European tour."


Here are a few of my favorite quotes from my favorite a-hole, Liam:


“Everyone knows that if you've got a brother, you're going to fight.”


“Americans want grungy people, stabbing themselves in the head on stage. They get a bright bunch like us, with deodorant on, they don't get it.”


“Discipline? I don't know the meaning of the word.” - Liam Gallagher of Oasis


I swear. These two brats remind me of Alex and Hunter about 10 years ago. Alex would torture a then 9-year old Hunter til he flipped right out. I came home from work at Nordstrom one night to find Alex grinning that "he's smilin' at me MEAN" smile that drove Hunter out of his ever-lovin' mind. 

"Hunter chased me around the house with a knife saying he was gonna 'effing kill' me", was Alex's side of the story.


Like any other good, wholesome mother, I stifled my laughter for about five minutes, then gave Hunter the talk.

"Now, Honey. You shouldn't chase your brother with a knife, mmkay?" (I could hear that "Butthead" laugh of Alex's in the hallway as I chatted with the little brother. HUH HUH  HUH HUH)



I love that story. Isn't it just precious?

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Chris Brown is pulling "weeds"...

 
Dumbshit, Chris Brown
I swear. I looked at this picture of Chris Brown finally getting his ass busy performing his court-ordered community service and thought he was in Arcata, California (where they grow the good stuff), helping out the local growers.


Supposedly, he's in Richmond, Virginia "pulling weeds and picking up trash" (**COUGHgroupiesCOUGH**).  I don't believe a word of it.

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Taylor Swift discusses Kanye (aka The Asshole) on The View



Yeah, you heard right. Kanye has not reached out to Taylor herself...only to his retarded BLOG and Jay Leno....UNTIL after Taylor stated that fact. THEN he called her. 
 
via The Huffington Post:

"Representatives from "The View" say West called Swift after her appearance on Tuesday's show. During the broadcast, the 19-year-old singing sensation said West had yet to contact her to apologize for hijacking her MTV Video Music Awards acceptance speech on Sunday.

The incident caused an uproar and led West to give an emotional apology on Monday's premiere of "The Jay Leno Show."

"The View" says Swift has accepted the apology."

That dumbshit. Oh, and I love how Taylor's mom went after his ass at the VMAs right after Kanye stomped on her winning moment.

via People Magazine:

"Minutes after Kanye West stormed the stage as she accepted her Video Music Award, a teary-eyed Taylor Swift pulled herself together to perform her award-winning song, "You Belong With Me," atop a cab parked in front of Radio City Music Hall.

But West only continued the drama by angering the entire Swift family. After Swift's mother, Andrea, asked to speak to the rapper and, a source tells PEOPLE, "tore into him," the rapper continued to maintain that Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" should have won Best Female Video instead and made no formal apology."

How many other Mama Bears out there would have kicked his ever-lovin' ass after disrespecting her baby? The rage I feel toward this mofo is just crazy. 

Monday, 14 September 2009

The Asshole (aka Kanye West) to appear on Jay Leno tonight?

 
No. Just NO.

Finally. A real opportunity for me to talk about Jay Leno. 'Round these parts (my bedroom), he's referred to as The Lowest Common Denominator of Comedy. I can't even begin to tell y'all how truly unfunny I find The Chin of Late Night (now he's on at the nursing home hour of 10:00 p.m.).
 
So. Jay thinks he's going to pull the same schtick he did with tranny and hooker-lover Hugh Grant all those years ago, but with a complete a-hole who humiliated at 19-year old Taylor Swift l last night on the MTV VMAs. (High pitched voice and wink: "What the hell were you thinking?" HAR HAR HAR.)

Stupid move, Jay. No one wants to hear this dumbshit speak in CAPS LOCK.

Kanye the Asshole Half-Asses an Apology to Taylor Swift, Then Removes It.

 
What?
I really have been trying to clean up my dirty mouth the past couple of months. Quite noble of me, yes? Well. That all went down the toilet last night after witnessing the biggest fucking asshole the recording industry has ever seen.
We've all seen the footage (shown below) of that little bitch Kanye West steal a wonderful moment of winning an MTV Video Music Award from Taylor Swift. (My hair is still on fire, by the way, and it smells awful.)
Here's The Asshole's half-ass apology on his CAPS LOCK BLOG. He apparently has since taken it down.
I'd love to hear your feelings on this piece of shit. I think you already know mine.

Kanye West was a goddamned asshole on the MTV VMAs. **VIDEO**




That poor girl.

What the goddamned hell is wrong that asshole Kanye West? That asshole completely ruined Taylor Swift's moment while accepting her award for Best Female Video.


via the Examiner.com


"Taylor, I'm really happy for you. I'll let you finish," Kanye told an obviously stunned Taylor. "But Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time ... one of the best videos of all time!"


Taylor stood, mic and award in hand looking like she was going to cry, and who could blame her? Beyonce` looked stunned and not entirely thrilled. I have a feeling she would be the one apologizing to Taylor for that idiot's behavior later in the evening.



I swear to God. If he pulls the race card rant once again on this my head will fucking explode. WHEN will MTV prevent this dumbass from participating and ruining the VMAs? Taylor wasn't even allowed to finish her speech. Was it just too cringe-y for MTV to allow her to finish?? She tried--they effing CUT HER OFF.



Taylor Swift is just a young girl. Sometimes it shouldn't be about ratings.


Did I mention I hate Kanye West?




Saturday, 12 September 2009

Tila Tequila is a little plastic liar.

Liar, liar PANTS on fire...
and not just from STDs. 

Y'all know I'll defend a bitch if I feel she's truly been smacked up (RIHANNA!)...I just don't feel this Little Tykes (Dykes?) Plastic Daycare Doll was ever telling the truth about Shawne Merriman "choking" her. (TMZ posted pictures of her purple eyeshadow "bruises" on her ARMS yesterday.)  

Please check out what Wendie (the best writer on Evil Beet ) had to say about this whole made-up piece of Lie Cake: http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/2009/09/07/no-charges-filed-after-tila-tequilas-abuse-allegations/

and


http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/2009/09/11/and-scene/



"San Diego Diego District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis will not be filing charges against Shawne Merriman of the Chargers. He was placed under citizen's arrest by Tila Tequila after he allegedly choked her and refused to let her to leave his apartment Sunday. Apparently no one bought it.. ESPN reports:

"After a thorough review of the investigation into the Sept. 6, 2009 incident at the Poway home of Shawne Merriman, our office has determined there is insufficient evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that any crime was committed. The case is now closed."

Way to set back the very serious issue of domestic violence back a million years, Dumbass. Women have a hard enough time coming forth with very real cases of having the shit beaten out of them without skanks filing false reports like Tila Tequila apparently has done.

I swore I'd never talk about her on this blog, but this issue needs to be noted.


If you or someone you know is being abused, please contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7. Translaters are available.



Domestic violence is no joke.

Friday, 4 September 2009

Demi Moore gives the Pink Pig a verbal ass-kicking...GOOD for her!

Mama and Baby Bear
Demi and Tallulah

The Pink Pig (you have to know who I'm talking about--initials P oink H) had the gall to scrawl his usual nastiness all over a picture of 15-year old Talullah Belle Willis.

"...he wrote "slut" and "ass" on because her breast and butt were accidentally exposed."  Gross.


I was actually on Twitter at the time Demi and that blogger were having it out. (By the way, I have BLOCKED the Pink Pig on Twitter bacause I loathe him, so I was only privy to Demi's side of the "conversation", but believe me, there were NOT two sides to this story.) He can scream "First Amendment" all he wants. It. Does. Not. Apply.

Demi said he isn't "taking violating child pornography laws very seriously..."
  • Demi Tweeted: "Let me ask all of you, what is it called when someone is telling people to look and focus on a child's 'boobs & ass' while providing photos?... This is not a game . Children should not be exploited. They must be protected." 

Good for Demi...if I were her, Lord knows I'd be alllll up in that pig's snout, attorney in tow.
 

Mama Bears U N I T E, y'all!
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Tuesday, 1 September 2009

"Oh, that PARTICULAR beating...NOW, I remember." -- Chris Brown

I would love to know what's so GD funny.


So Chris Brown does remember something. Like, wow. Don't you love how he keeps saying "what happened" as opposed to "what I did"? Yeah. Like, wow.

Here's Chris's lame-ass "explanation" of his statements made on Larry King Live.

LOS ANGELES — Chris Brown says he remembers beating Rihanna and that a brief interview clip making the rounds online Monday in which he said he didn't recall the incident "is not representative of what I said."

The R&B singer tells People magazine in a lengthy statement that he "misspoke" during the 30-second clip and that he was asked "something like 4 or 5 times" about the altercation with Rihanna during an hourlong interview.

"Of course I remember what happened," Brown said in a statement late Monday. "Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur.

"When I look at it now, it's just like, wow, like, I can't believe that that actually happened," Brown told King."

Sigh. Just shut up already.

THANKS, Christine!


Sunday, 30 August 2009

This douche is NOT what I want to see first thing Sunday morning.

Ick. Nast.

Goddamnit, Gosselin. Thanks for making me swear on Sunday morning. But I never, ever thought I 'd have to see your flip-flopped ass "hosting" a Vegas pool party. They seem to just dole this gatherings to just any a-hole, don't they?

Just look at this douche (read: PAID, father of 8), trying his best "sexy-face" at Wet Republic at the MG-EFFING-Grand. I don't know if I'll be able to finish licking my plate of Eggs Florentine (wiping hollandaise from my chin).

Okay. Nothing keeps me from licking hollandaise. Hush up.


Thursday, 27 August 2009

Goddamnit, Chris Brown. *Update on A-Hole Behavior*

"Raise yer hand if ya beat yer woman!"

You know, I always say, after being sentenced for beating your girlfriend bloody, the best thing to do is hit the hottest club in L.A.--Guys and Dolls.
I just feel that laying low, being introspective and even humble is a mistake. Don't you?

Oh. I guess it's just me and that a-hole Chris Brown.

What a GD dumbass.

**UPDATE**

It seems the dumbass, Chris Brown could very well be in violation of his GD probation by even setting foot in the club, Guys and Dolls last night. He may get off on a technicality (read: Because he's an effing CELEBRITY) due to this wording in the court documents:

"The probation report states that Brown must "abstain from the use of all alcoholic beverages and stay out of places where they are the chief item of sale."


Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Chris Brown Received His Wrist-Slap Today.

Brown got probation and community service
for doing this.
I don't like the look on his face.

TMZ has done a cracker jack job (seriously) with their reporting of the whole Chris Brown circus in downtown L.A. today. I would just like to say that this is Celebrity Justice once again. May I just say that I know someone who was charged with a "minor in possession" (for an UNOPENED can of beer!) and received a very similar sentence. In fact, this person was facing some jail time. I call complete and utter bullshit on the special treatment Brown received for the brutal beating he gave Rihanna.

I'm not saying anything new, or anything I haven't said before. Here is the TMZ.com rundown of today's sentencing:

He must complete a 52 week domestic violence program sponsored by the Commonwealth Catholic Charities.

Brown must personally come to court every 3 months during his probation. The first appearance will be November 19.

Brown must perform 180 days of community labor. He must also pay $2,500 in restitution. He'll have to pay another $2,500 in probation expenses. He must also pay a $30 criminal conviction fee --BARGAIN! He must also pay $400 that goes into a domestic violence fund.

The judge issued a protective order. Brown is ordered not to harass, assault, threaten, molest, threaten, etc. Rihanna. He must surrender all firearms within 24 hours. He can't have any contact with Rihanna, even on the phone or through a 3rd person. He must stay 100 yards away from her, unless there's an entertainment-related event, in which he must stay 10 yards away. The protective order lasts 5 years.

Brown must get prior approval before leaving the country.

Brown jumped the gun and said he accepted the terms of probation, even before the judge finished her sentence

UPDATE:
The judge just said she wanted to reiterate that she wanted him to do hard time ... like washing cars, grafitti removal, etc."
******
"The court has released the officer's report from the night Chris Brown beat up Rihanna -- describing the entire incident in graphic detail.

According to the report, cops responded to a "screaming woman" -- and when they arrived, they noticed a "very upset and crying" Rihanna seated in the driver's seat of a parked vehicle.

Rihanna told the officer she got into an argument with Chris Brown over something that had occurred at an event they were at earlier in the evening.

"The victim said she became enraged and slammed both of her fists against the dashboard on the passenger side of the car they were in. She reported that the defendant then pulled the vehicle over and reached over her with his right hand. He opened the car door and tried to force the victim out."

According to the report, Brown was unable to shove Rihanna out of the car because she was wearing a seatbelt.

The report continues, "When he could not force her to exit, he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the car. "

"The victim then faced the defendant and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then continued driving."

"As he drove, he continued to punch the victim in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand."

Rihanna told cops the "assault caused her mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter over her clothing and the inside of the car."

Rihanna told cops after Brown "stopped his first assault .. she looked in the mirror and saw her eye beginning to swell.

[Brown] looked at [Rihanna] and said 'I'm going to beat the shit out of you when we get home! You wait and see!'"

Rihanna told police she tried to call her personal assistant, but she didn't pick up -- but Rihanna says she "pretended to talk, saying, 'I'm on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there.'"

Rihanna says she pulled the act "because she did not want to get beat anymore."

But after Rihanna's fake phone conversation, she claims Brown "looked at [Rihanna] and said, "You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I'm really going to kill you!"

Rihanna told cops that Brown unleashed a second wave of punches, "during which time [Rihanna] interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face." He continued to punch her on her left arm, which caused a contusion on her left tricep.

At that point Rihanna tried texting her assistant. Brown threw the phone out of the car, stopped the vehicle and Rihanna then tried opening her door to get out, but Brown sped off and the door shut with Rihanna inside.

Brown placed Rihanna in a headlock while he drove, then bit her on her left ear. The car eventually stopped and Rihanna took the keys out of the ignition, and Brown began to punch her again in the face and arms. He placed her in a headlock and started applying pressure to her carotid artery. She couldn't breathe and began to lose consciousness. She tried freeing herself, and Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and then released her.

Rihanna took off her shoe and tried breaking the passenger window, and he continued to punch her.

Eventually, Brown got out of the car. Rihanna opened the door and continued screaming. Brown began punching her again. He got back in the car and screamed "Where are my f***ing keys?" He got out, looked for the keys in vain, and when he could not find them removed several CDs and walked away.

Officers were called and observed numerous contusions and abrasions to Rihanna's face and forehead, as well as bruising on her left arm. There were other injuries as well.

Investigators determined Brown was wearing a large ring on his right hand which caused several of Rihanna's injuries."