Prince! What the goddamnhell are you wearing at Paris Fashion Week?

"Don't go for second best, baby..."--

Oh, wait.

Doesn't Prince totally look like he's doing a street performance of Madonna's "Express Yourself" in Paris yesterday? Yeah. Here he is headed to a Fendi party or something. Pssh.

WHAT the goddamnhell is Prince Rogers Nelson wearing? The neckpiece looks like it was left over from a Real Housewives reunion show (you pick which one--I can't make a valid decision--Orange County maybe?) The rest of his get-up is obviously from Kohl's Half-Price Itty Bitty Lingerie Department.

Oh, Prince.

Khloe Kardashian's Wedding Dress and Other Crap

Vera Wang's Big "n Tall Collection

"Baby, could you gimme a tranny-back ride?

I'm too f^&king drunk!"

Photos via TMZ.com

Here's what y'all have been lookin' for...The Dress. Khloe's big, giant Vera Wang wedding dress.

For the life of me, I cannot understand  the crazy interest in this chick's wedding. Her claim to fame (i.e. resume) is that her dad was a very accomplished attorney in L.A. (he was part of the OJ Defense Team back when he was on trail for damn-near decapitating his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ron Goldman); Khloe's step-dad is plastic surgery enthusiast and oh yeah, Olympic Gold Medalist, Bruce Jenner; sister Kim is really the reason this family are pseudo-celebrities due to her sex-tape with an D-list rapper, Ray J. (Are you taking notes??) Naturally, E! gave them their own reality show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, produced by none other than Ryan Gaycrest Seacrest.

I found this little piece on Khloe at AskMen.com:

"Khloe Kardashian, aka Baby K, is the youngest and most statuesque of the Kardashian sisters. Familiar to the fanatic faithful who watch her regularly on Keeping Up with  the Kardashians, she's now a headliner on the new spin-off series Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. When she's not living the celebrity life for the viewing masses, she's working on the radio, selling fashion items through her store chain and taking her clothes off in the name of stopping animal cruelty. There's also the small matter of a quickie marriage to Lamar Odom that has gotten her a mountain of attention. " 

Let's not forget Khloe's DUI a couple of years ago. She checked that item off of the How to be a Dumbass Celeb and Get Your Name in the Tabloids list. Nicely done.

Khloe and Kim's sister, Kourtney is pregnant and all over the tabloids...for no. Good. Reason...other than the idiotic celebrity qualifications I've so beautifully outlined.

Ugh. Nice way to start a Monday morning. My head hurts already.

Megan Fox on the cover of Rolling Stone. America's Bad Girl?

 

I am going to disagree with Rolling Stone Magazine referring to Megan Fox as "American's Bad Girl".  Here's why:

"My temper is ridiculously bad. I've had to say to Brian, 'You have to go and stop talking to me, because I'm going to kill you. I'm going to stab you with something, please leave. I'd never own a gun for that reason. I wouldn't shoot to kill. But I would shoot him in the leg, for sure."


Megan, I dub thee, "America's Crazy Bitch Who is in Dire Need of a Straightjacket".

Dear Lord, please never let this chick give birth. Amen.

Happy Birthday, Beyonce`!!!

Beyonce` Giselle Knowles

BOOM, y'all. It's Bey's 28th birthday. Hubby JayZ better bring it, mmkay? This isn't just any gal's big day...

What on earth does one give to Beyonce` for her birthday? (I'm being nice, so I won't say, "acting chops".) 

See? I can be sweet!! 

Mariah Carey actually looks GOOD!

Mimoo? Is that really you?
Mrs. and Mrs. Nick Cannon in BevHills

Sadly, I'm not usually very complimentary toward Mrs. Cannon. I've seen many a drag queen who looks so much better than Mariah normally does. But check her out! I feel likes it's 1991 again. Girl, you need to always wear your hair natural, and cut down on the slap. Wow!!

I'm totally coveting that dress, too. Mariah is working. It. OUT.

I'm in the mood for some "Emotions"...where's my old-ass, scratched-up cd?

2009 Daytime Emmy Awardzzzzzzzzzz

"I'D LIKE TO THANK MEEEE!!"

The only cute ones there, Portia and Ellen.

Tyra, threatening with her eyes,
instead of smiling with them.

I know, the Daytime Emmy Awards are a bit of the red-headed step-child of awards shows. I really don't care about them, but having seen these pictures of Tyra (in two different dresses, of course. That copper Cavalli get-up is a bit much, don't you think?) Ty-ranny (can be pronounced two ways!) actually won, too, for (gulp) Outstanding Talk Show. Really? Here's what the self-proclaimed "Lightbulb Head" had to say about her show:

"You've got to move and I've totally redone my show from skin and guts — how it looks, feels all the way down to content, because of the changing generation," Banks said.

I take that statement to mean if anyone disagrees with her ass, their ass is OUT.

ANYshrug. Here's the list of winners (aka: people I've never heard of in my entire life):

DRAMA SERIES
"The Bold and the Beautiful"

ACTOR
Christian LeBlanc, "Young and the Restless"

ACTRESS
Susan Haskell, "One Life to Live"

SUPPORTING ACTOR
(Tie)
Jeff Branson, "Guiding Light"
Vincent Irizarry, "All My Children"

SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Tamara Braun, "Days of Our Lives"

YOUNGER ACTOR
Darin Brooks, "Days of Our Lives"

YOUNGER ACTRESS
Julie Berman, "General Hospital"

DAYTIME DRAMA DIRECTING
"One Life to Live"

DAYTIME DRAMA WRITING
"General Hospital"

TALK SHOW (INFORMATIVE) Ummm...I don't even have a comeback.
"The Tyra Banks Show"

TALK SHOW (ENTERTAINMENT)
"Rachael Ray" Wait. It should read: RACHAEL RAY, Bitches ! ! ! Pain. In. My. Left. Eye.

TALK SHOW HOST
Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Whoopi Goldberg, Sherri Shepherd, Barbara Walters, "The View" Jaaaayzus. Those screeching hens won??

GAME SHOW
"Cash Cab" OH! That's a cool show.

GAME SHOW HOST
Meredith Vieira, "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"

MORNING PROGRAM
"Good Morning America"

Yawwwwwnnnn.

Victoria Beckham's ad for her 2009 dress collection at Bergdorf-Goodman looks like a horror movie...

Eeeegads. Watch this weirdness til the very end. Creepy little Vicks is watching. Those skinny bitches better not stop swinging. Ever.

What is UP with the Lohan Girls' Faces? And WHY?

WHAT the hell??
Photo: OK Magazine

Is there any reason two relatively good looking young--and I do mean YOUNG--women would start effing around with their faces??

Yes. I know I've been posting about the Lohan girls quite a bit this week. I can't look away. It's The Car Wreck Syndrome.

Here we have 16 (read: 35) year old Ali and 23 (read: WTF?) year old Lindsay. It's like they go get injections into their lips and faces the way we civilians get a mani-pedi. Jaaayzus. Lindsay is trotting around town whispering "pruuuuuune" for the paps and giving us all an Angie-pout, while Ali is doing her best looking much like a Lawn Guyland single-mom.

I don't get it. Do YOU?