Happy Birthday, Tiger Woods, y'all.

Ugh.

Hey! Tiger Woods! It's your birthday! Here is my little gift to you:

It's all OVER the internet that what happened Thanksgiving night was a bit more than what we've all been told. After seeing texts from one of Tiger's hoes on his phone, it seems Elin took a 9 iron to Tiger's face, leaving a huge gash on his cheekbone and almost knocking out those two enormous front Chicklets.  That would explain Tiger's resistance in speaking with the authorities. 

via TheExaminer.com 

"...between 11:30 pm – midnight, Elin confronted him about the message she found on his phone. It is also reported that she found photos on the cell phone.

Elin asked Tiger to come clean but he denied everything and told her she was reading “too much into it.” When he turned to face the television at one point thereafter, Elin apparently hit him with a 9 iron on the right side of his face, creating a huge gash and almost taking out two of his upper teeth.

Additionally, a bone was broken on the upper right side of Tiger’s face.
Tiger, shoeless, ran out of the house with Elin swinging the club behind him. She used the club to knock out the windows of the SUV, and from this point, the "cubs" began to emerge from Tiger's lair, one by one.

Bisher also reported that Elin panicked and called Mark Steinberg, Tiger’s agent, for advice on what to say. This accounts for the two different versions given by Elin.

Tiger was taken to the hospital where he was patched up but was told by the doctors he needed plastic surgery. They recommended a cosmetic dentist and a plastic surgeon in Phoenix."

Phoenix? That's handy. Isn't that where the posh rehab facility is that I wrote about yesterday?

So yeah. Happy Birthday, Eldrick Tont Woods.